the most important duty is to yourself.
duty
/ˈdo͞odē/
noun
a moral or legal obligation; a responsibility.
"it's my duty to uphold the law"
a task or action that someone is required to perform.
"the queen's official duties"
Over the weekend, I went to see Esther Perle- NYT best selling author and sex/relationship therapist.
There were a lot of gems that I took away from the evening, but the main thing I took away was the the many roles we place on ourselves or placed by societies we chose to inhabit.
Many people that night talked about the regrets or the risks they took that changed their lives, which lead me to really think about why do we care so much about what people think when it is a direct harm/opposite to what we want for ourselves?
We have been so conditioned to believe that is better to be skeptical versus fearless in the pursuits and dreams of our lives. We forget about the duty that we have to ourselves to live completely in the dreams and hopes we have or had for ourselves.
Now, before you mistake what I am saying…this doesn’t give you a free pass to act immorally BUT this does give you the space & opportunity to think about the life you are currently living.
Are you living it for you or for someone else?
Would younger you be proud, apprehensive, or just sad?
Hold on to these questions, I posed.
Another nugget I took from the night was that many people are looking for their romantic relationships to complete them in a way that seems virtually improbable.
How can you ask someone to fulfill you if you can’t even fulfill yourself?
It is imperative that you fulfill that duty to yourself and your own personhood before you ask to be joined with another human to foster your needs when you don’t even know your own wants or desires.
This person or persons are also entitled to their own personhood. We all had lives and experiences that we are still sorting through/figuring out from our triggers, deep seeded trauma, dreams and goals. No one is responsible for your own happiness but you.
As some may know if you read my blog post, I don’t have the best relationship with my mother. My dad until this day says, “Boo, you don’t owe me anything. You owe yourself.” I carry that with me. I carry it because you owe yourself to make the most out of your life. You only get to walk this world once. Make it count in the way you would like it.
Personal story: When I moved back to DC from a campaign in New York, my partner and I argue about happiness and the owing of happiness. I bluntly had to inform him that “I am not responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness.” He scuffed and wasn’t happy. Later (a year later), he understood what I meant.
I can love you.
I can respect you.
I can support you.
However, I can not help you find your happiness for you. YOU must find your happiness.
I believe that we use happiness as a state of being, but it is fleeting thing.
Please disagree with me. This is just my opinion.
Content is a true state of being for me. Being content brings fulfillment, enjoyment, and yes…happiness. For me, once I master the art of being content. Wow, the sky is the limit.
I can grow even more into the goals and dreams for myself without harsh judgement of others because I won’t give one singular f*ck. I am content in the decisions, choices, and wants I am making.
The art of being content then breeds you to fulfill that duty to yourself and get back being to who you and what you want to be.
My hope and challenge to you, dear reader, is if you forgot what little 13 year old you wanted, get back to that person.
If you are already well on your way of remembering who tf you are, then keep it up!
Remember, your duty to yourself comes first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
currently obsessed with.
A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas
& espresso martinis with anejo or reposado
Sexy. Spicy. Action-Packed, and yeah the series is that too.
My book chat couldn’t stop talking about it, and I trust these girlies so I decided to pick it up.
Yall… I finished this series in like two weeks. No lie. I couldn’t put it down. Now, I am on the “Throne of Glass” series by SJM. The chokehold is real.
Hilton Carter
My show, …But Make It Books (where we are bookishly healing through life), welcomed Hilton Carter for the release of his new book, The Propagation Handbook. It was amazing to show Hilton some hometown love as well as talking about plants, love, and life. We will continue to have live shows (we are on our third!). Make sure you give us a listen, review, and follow.
I am trying to be a budget baddie, and it is hard. (But I need to think about this wedding yall) so I was on Jeff Bezos hellscape like I always am and came across this swimsuit. It is really nice on and comfy. Giving rich auntie realness.
Niccara’s Book Club Recommendation
Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi
If you love A Court of Roses and Thorns, then I think you will like this one. If you loved Harry Potter and who love a little mess with deities.
Children of Blood and Bone deserves everything from the movie deal for the trilogy (you better go off, Tomi ) to the awards. I couldn’t put this book down.
This tale is set in Nigeria (Yorubaland) and follows our young hero Zélie Adebola as she attempts to restore magic to the kingdom of Orïsha, following the ruling class kosidáns’ brutal suppression of the class of magic practitioners Zélie belongs to, the maji.
Phenomenal, magical, enchanting- pick this read up today.
Check yall in two weeks.