here we go…
Before I start, this are just my opinions and are not supported by any candidate or candidate committee (my politics folks will get the joke)
My relationship with religion has been interesting to say the very least. My mom took me to church but we would go to AME to Baptist churches. She allowed me to question, research, and disagree with a lot of religious practices -especially women’s roles in the Church.
Like:
”Why would Jesus place the rock of his church with Peter when he revealed himself to women first who never lost faith?”
“Jesus was Jewish so wouldn’t be married by 33 with children? He’s not following himself right?”
“Who was financing him going around and traveling?”
My dad side on the other hand was very religious - with no time for questions or “doubt”. Every summer from the time I was around 9/10 I was in Texas sweating my butt off in the pews, going to bible study on Wednesdays, before service on Sundays and sometimes double services at the local baptist church that we could always walk to. My dad’s dad, grandpa Sonny, never went to church since he was Catholic.
Even though, when I asked my Granny if Grandpa Sonny was a Catholic (since I saw the rosary hanging in his pick up truck & attending Catholic school at the time), she answered, “Baby, Sonny don’t know what he is.”
Them Morrow women aren’t anything to play with okay?
Anyway, Sonny would be home and made sure dinner was ready for us after church, and baby my grandpa could burn. Brisket out of this world! He just literally never went to church.
I learned after a few questions and bringing the DaVinci Code to Texas wasn’t winning any prizes. I couldn’t understand this blindness to never ask questions or condone certain behaviors. I just really couldn’t wrap my then young mind around and I still can’t wrap my early 30s mind around it either.
In the mist of all of this, I was placed in Catholic school from sixth grade until high school graduation, where I went through the motions of confirmation classes and world religion classes.
I also had my cousin not being allowed in a church to play for my other cousin’s wedding (on my mom’s side) because she wore pants as well as being dismissed & judged for marrying her partner when I was around 8. I was disgusted then and disgusted now.
I was beginning to form my own identity about what I believe in and what I didn’t. I knew a lot of things of what I deemed unacceptable:
I do not think love is a sin. The sin is hate and angry. Love who you love and be a good freaking person.
Science and religion are one in the same. We are given gifts by God to deepen our understanding of the universe and our scholars explore those gifts to enhance our collective understanding.
Spirituality tools in tarot, crystals, astrology and other methods to understand God is not evil…and I truly believe that is an Eurocentric outlook to demonize “otherness”. Due to those colonizers lack of understanding because of their own limitations they in turn terrorized many through colonization & force migration.
Trans folks have the right to live, love, work, and be heard. If you study many different religions, folks with dual genders/gender fluidity exists.
Women should be able to preach and be the disciples that I always believed that were in the first place.
Belief in divorce when it’s just not working. Staying to stay is not a good use of God’s gift of life.
With these beliefs, it made it very difficult for me to find a church home/pastor that could & would uplift and upheld these beliefs or at least understood their position of power in guiding their congregation & the sacred duty that comes with that.
I won’t even go through the details of some of the wildest sermons I heard where I was honestly disgusted of the heteronormative rhetoric. As someone who believes in community, I was truly sad and lost hope that I wouldn’t find a pastor and/or church home that would fulfilled my spiritual needs/growth.
I explained the pain and anguish to a friend of mine of this search that just seemed unending and I was honestly close to giving up. He suggested I try his church…I said yes, with a strong side eye.
Of course the day I went it was a guest pastor who literally killed more than if not all my aforementioned list. I decided to give it another try from the suggestion of that same friend who assured me I would love the pastor, and he was right.
I decided to join the church and have gone to them other ministries, especially for pre-engagement counseling (yes, we made it a thing - will talk about that later if of interest), and will be going to them for pre-martial counseling.
He preaches unafraid of the consequences, and is a true scholar of the biblical as well as the scientific. I found a home in Alfred Street and Dr. Howard John Wesley, and I truly thank God in that. He checked all my boxes and them some of what I look for in my spiritual leader, not perfect but constantly growing and not afraid to question systems even of his own conference. Dr. HJW even took a break because he was struggling with his faith and went back to school to learn more back in 2020.
And that to me makes a true leader, not the air of perfection but the leadership of vulnerability.
I knew I need community and sticking with a saying my high school principal, Dr. Turner, gave at my freshman orientation: “Your life should fall in the order of ‘God, Family, Academics, and Everything Else’. If you feel like your life is misplaced or not flowing, most likely your priorities aren’t following this.”, and Dr. T was right then and he is still right now.
People are probably like, “Okay, Niccara. I hear you and what you are saying…but the crystals, manifesting, I don’t know about that.”
If I can push your thinking for a second…
If you believe in God, do you not believe he gives us tools to get closer to him? Then what are crystals, but another tool? These precious gems and stones are gift from the earth which is a gift to us by God.
Manifesting is just another saying for the power of the tongue.
Visions aka divination/tarot are just another form of prophecy. Throughout the Bible, we see nothing but prophets and prophetesses. Shall I name them all?
Again, I am not trying to preach to anyone - but I want to share a bit about of my spiritual journey and how I am still discovering and growing in mine for those who are either struggling, growing, and/or doubting theirs.
Take Your Time.
currently obsessed with.
what I’m watching.
Girls on the Bus on HBOMAX
what they say:
Four female journalists follow every move of a parade of flawed presidential candidates, discovering friendship, love and a scandal that has the potential to destabilise not only the presidency but the entire democracy.
what EYE say:
I love this show, and now I have my friends watching as we speak. It is real show to be having right now. Generational, race, class, and politics differences jammed on a bus and/or close quarters to have conversations must are too scared to have without being affronted by the girls and gays on the world wide web. It shows what it takes & doesn’t take to elected, struggling with your morals, the sacrifices of chasing your dreams, and the effects of some policy decisions. Definitely tune in and let me know what you think.
where did I go.
Creative Mornings Baltimore
I had the great pleasure of discovering Creative Mornings (they have many chapters city by city so check it out!) which is a free event that has a word every chapter has to riff of. I was had the great pleasure of hearing Dr. Joyce Scott, all around amazing artist speak. She truly nourished my soul. Creative Mornings are free and usually have refreshments.
Niccara’s Book Club
what I’m reading.
the plot.
Yeeran was born on the battlefield, has lived on the battlefield, and one day, she knows, she’ll die on the battlefield.
As a warrior in the elven army, Yeeran has known nothing but violence her whole life. Her sister, Lettle, is trying to make a living as a diviner, seeking prophecies of a better future.
what you should be reading.
Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez
This book took me on a ride that I wasn’t ready for. There were a lot of references that had me trying to figure out if these characters were based on real folks or not.
Generational trauma is real and is seen in this book. This book made me ponder on what happens when you don’t go for your dreams and when you’re not honest with yourself.
A lot of self reflection, a lot of being a minority in this country and dealing with the push and pull of stereotypes. Like what happens after you get all the accolades - what’s next?
I do wish I got a little bit more on the backstory of their mother but overall a good read from a strivers point of view.
I’m trying this Sunday release instead of Monday. Let me know your thoughts.
See ya in two weeks!
This was such a powerful post ❤️